Boundaries: Personal, Professional, & Self

Someone asked me today if I knew my own limits and my first response was yes. However, after that person began to ask questions that are more specific I found myself hesitating and having to think about my answers. It made me realize that to a point, yes, I did but when it comes to certain people and certain situations, I did not put my boundaries in effect. Any life coach will tell you that creating strong boundaries is the number one way for an individual to improve their lives especially females.  I have heard Cheryl Richardson once say that you have to free yourself from the “disease to please”.

It is often said that you have to be aware of yourself to know what boundaries you need to set. So yes, it is important to set self-boundaries but you also have to know what boundaries you are setting with people. Of course, each person will have a certain threshold because of his or her status in your life whether it is your spouse, child, employer, coworker, or friend. Do not let yourself feel guilty for setting boundaries.  When you allow guilt to eat at you then you wasted your time setting the boundaries because you talked yourself right back out of it. The way you overcome the guilt situation is knowing when to say simply say no. If you are not in the mood, maybe your tired then just say no do not try to formulate an explanation of why you are saying no Just Do It!

Here is my biggest issue saying yes. You ever get that person who always tells you if you need me call me.  They just volunteer to help but you never want to depend on them or feel like you are putting them out their way even when they offered to help. I am good for rejecting help but being the first to jump to help. Backwards I know :) ! Then there are the biggest two words you can tell anyone. Thank you!  It’s okay to not express to someone how much you needed them or maybe you felt bad for having to call on them… no it’s simple just say thank you for being there, thank you for caring, thank you for taken care of me when I needed it. Do not let the feeling of shame or regret get to you.  Just be gracious and your friends know your heart it is going to be okay.

There is so much more to setting boundaries that I can go on and on about but what help would I be to just give it all away instead of suggesting that you doing some reading or research because I’m still working on it. My biggest hindrance right now is asking for help. I have the worst habit of waiting until things are just totally out of control before I will admit to myself that I need help.

Here are some good reads on how to set your boundaries:

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

The work book is a great help mate as well!

Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships by Allison Bottke

Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, & Relationships That All of Us Have To Give Up In Order To Move Forward by Dr Henry Cloud

Here is a quote to think on:

When people show their boundaries, (I cannot do this for you), you feel rejected.  Part of your struggle is to set boundaries to your own love. Only when you are able to set your own boundaries will you be able to acknowledge, respect and even be grateful for the boundaries of others.

~Henri J.M. Nouewn

~Truly Blessed,

Misherald  "Missy"  &  Jonathan "JB" Brown

What Is Life Like Raising A Autistic Child?

People often ask me what is it like to be the mother of an autistic child and often times it takes a lot not to just laugh. They find it weird that I am quick to say it is like raising any other child except I have more people involved in our lives.  With Jonathan, I have a team of about thirty other people that are involved in his health, education and any other major factors of his life.  

We work as a well-oiled machine between his pediatric physician, a team of specialize doctors, three private therapist, a team of ABA therapist, and me acting as his advocate we are a great team. That usually makes some of them give me a weird look wondering how I keep it all in line as well as control of my life. The answer is easy it is all about time management, being able to say no, making sacrifices knowing what you have on your plate, and knowing what you want out of life for both parties. When I finally got my mind focused on those things, I made quite a few changes that changed my life.  From cutting work, hours to be able to adjust for all of Jonathan's appointments to making sure that everyone who needed to be involved in his life had the time that they needed to do their part.  I had to cut back on some luxuries that I enjoyed for life to balance correctly. The biggest challenge is not to let the situation take over your life and get you upset with circumstances. 

The greatest thing I have learned since becoming Jonathan's mom is simply to live a fun fulfilling life.  When things do happen you have to be able to respond to them quickly without reacting without thinking this eliminates what if mode. Those thoughts will drive you crazy. Now many of you may think oh I feel sorry for her the sacrifices she make have to be great but instead I ask that before you pity me you simply root for us to overcome all obstacles that come our way.

So out of all of this my life lesson is simple: LIVE LOVE LAUGH... life is full of fun moments and you have to accept those fun moments as they come but be prepared for those rough moments as well.

A quote that we live by:

"Remember life is a precious gift, love is a wonderful gift, and laughter is a glorious gift.So live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh as much as you breathe."

~Truly Blessed,

Misherald "Missy" & Jonathan "JB" Brown

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)